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Bring It Like a Broad: See the World Through Madelyn May’s Lens

It’s that time again, Broads!

Last month we introduced a new interview series here on The Bonafide Broad called Bring it Like a Broad! Each month, this series features a real life Broad who inspires those around her, by doing the extraordinary everyday.

We hope that celebrating these special ladies and their accomplishments will help each of us to believe in the possibility and the reality of our own goals and dreams.

 



 

In case you missed it, our December Broad was Grace Garfield. She is a totally rad 20-year-old who founded A Helping Hand Global, a nonprofit that creates Feminine Care Kits for women in need, and is expanding to do so much more!

The response was awesome, and confirmed to us that we are on the right track with this series.

It’s time to introduce our January Broad!

 

The Broad

Meet Madelyn May.

 

Madelyn taking a self-portrait

 

She is not only one of the most driven, determined, and inspiring Broad’s I’ve ever met, but I also have the privilege of being related to her. She is my cousin.

Madelyn and I spent quite a bit of time together before my parents were divorced, when we were girls. I have always reserved a special space in my heart for her, and I knew from a young age that she was different. She was going to have good life. Even if she didn’t know it yet. Because she was going to make her life exactly the way she wanted it.

I’m happy to say my intuition was correct. Although we haven’t been able to be as close as we were when we were girls, I’ve watched this Broad from a distance, and my heart swells seeing the person she has become.

She is stunning, on the inside and out, and I’m honored that she was willing to do this interview, so all you Broads can see what I see in her!

Let’s get to know her!

 

The Interview

ME: Who are you? Describe yourself to me, the person you are.

MADELYN: Oh man, this is a hard one. Isn’t this what we’re all searching for? “Who we are”… as if we aren’t constantly changing? I’ll try my best to answer.

 

Madelyn working at a wedding

 

My name is Madelyn. My friends and family wonder how I have time to do all the things I do. I guess that describes me, not just busy, but always trying new things and growing the things I love. I have a lot of “drive” as my family says. I get my energy from my grandmother.

I think people limit themselves daily and sometimes I catch myself doing the same. I don’t want the average life. I want the freedom to do what I want when it really matters. I am always hustlin’ and grindin’ but when I do get a break, I make sure that it’s spent with people that matter the most to me.

Oh, and I am a social worker and a photographer….yes both! Talk about stress and being busy. Keep reading to hear more.

 

ME: What projects/ businesses are you currently focusing on?

MADELYN: PHOTOGRAPHY….hands down.

 

Madelyn May Photography’s company logo

 

In photographer years I have only been doing this for a short time.  My fiance bought me my first camera as a gift and I just dove in head first.

I started with free/cheap shoots to build my portfolio and website, and then I started charging based off time spent. I found some photography mentors to help me with MANY questions, I took classes, and I sat on YouTube for hours and hours. Also, I found some Facebook groups with other photographers to learn from them.

But I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my fiance. Not just because he bought me my first camera, but because he is the one that taught me not to limit myself and not to have a basic life just because it’s easier that way.  When I’ve doubted myself he questions my doubts and helps me move past them.

What I love the most about photography is that my creativity is unbounded. I get to help couples capture the images they’ve always wanted, but didn’t think were possible. I get to listen to love stories and see couples connect through my lens. Photography will always be in my life. Even if I fail, I will never stop.

 

Photograph by Madelyn May Photography

 

What’s happening right now? My next project will be in the spring. I have another amazing idea for a shoot, so stay tuned! Madelyn May Photography will have a lot of changes coming soon. I am going to be focusing on adventurous epic shit! It will be life changing. I can’t wait!

Also, I have a super messy craft room full of stuff that I love to do. I love to hand letter, watercolor, knit (I am pretty fucking good and this was my first business), crochet, make candles, sew, scrapbook, and so much more. These are fun outlets for me.

Another outlet is the outdoors: camping, hiking, dirt bike riding, finding new locations for photo shoots.

 

Photograph by Madelyn May Photography

 

ME: What is your background?

MADELYN: I am a social worker and a photographer. I have a Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Oregon in Family and Human Services.

I went to college to be a probation officer for juveniles because I wanted to help those kids who were dealt a bad hand and had to find family in the wrong areas. I know how it is to grow up in an less-than-ideal environment and I want to give back.  Now I work with the same kids, just in a little different way. I am also helping the parents who were probably dealt an even worse hand.

When I said “I know how it is…” I meant it. I wouldn’t say I had a normal upbringing, or anything even close to that. At a young age, my siblings and I had to grow up VERY fast. People say I am an old soul often, but they don’t know why. I may be 28, but I feel like I am 38 (which can be a curse).

My childhood wasn’t peachy, but it’s exactly why I am who I am today. It’s all about perspective. I could use [my past] as a crutch, or I could use it to change the world. This is why I am a social worker, why I want a better life for my future children, and why I choose to do what I love. Because that’s the point of life, right? To not waste it?

Helping people is my passion, but what really keeps me going is being creative. It’s what gets my heart pumping and my wheels turning, to where it’s hard to sleep at night because I am so fucking excited! Photography is one of my creative channels, among others. Photography really has me asking myself often…”Is this real life?”

 

Photograph by Madelyn May Photography

 

ME: What did you want to do with your life when you were young? How old were you when you began making your life plans and setting goals, and why do you think that was the magic age for you?

MADELYN: I didn’t have any idea until senior year of high school… and I thought it was either going to be in the military or college. I started college and thought I wanted to be a web designer. So I attended a class to write code and make a website, and I hated it.

I attended photography, drawing, and Human Services 101 classes and then I knew.  This is what is crazy to me: I was interested in the same things ten years ago. But now I know where I want my focus to be: photography, while still giving back to my community.

 

ME: What steps did you take when you realized you wanted to accomplish the things you did, to get yourself on track toward your dreams?

MADELYN: I got my transfer degree to save money. I went to Portland State University for one term and didn’t like it (location/majors). So I started researching undergrad programs and came across University of Oregon. The Family and Human Services program was amazing! They required a new internship that you chose each term, to get you ready for a job after graduation.

Now my goal is to start traveling and start doing photography all over the world.  ← Doesn’t this sound crazy? Check back in with me in a few. This will be true!

 

Photograph by Madelyn May Photography

 

ME: How have you learned what is needed to run a business, and to accomplish the things you have?

MADELYN: Research and asking a ton of questions to those who already do it. There is never a dumb question.

 

ME: What obstacles have you faced along your journey, and what have you done to overcome them?

MADELYN: This is a hard one, I don’t look back and think “Oh that was an obstacle but I am here now.” I just keep going. There were some jobs that I absolutely hated, but I kept going until I had another plan to get to my bigger goals.

Right now my lack of time is my biggest obstacle for my photography business. I would love to have way more time to grow my business and complete all my little goals that are still pending.

 

Photograph by Madelyn May Photography

 

ME: Have you ever felt like giving up? If so, how do you pull through and move forward?

MADELYN: Yep. More than people may think.

“Oh I am just one out of millions of other photographers, so why try?” Then I snap out of it or my fiance helps me snap out of it.

I am different because my photography will continue to get better and I will be different because there’s no other Madelyn like me, that has dreams, a drive, and support.

 

ME: Do you have a quote, a song,  or a mantra that you tell yourself to keep yourself going?

MADELYN: If you’ve been on my Instagram you know I love me some quotes. I don’t have a favorite, it changes with my moods, but here are some:

“ You can have anything you want if you give up the belief that you can’t have it.”

“If you don’t build your dream, someone will hire you to build theirs.”

“To begin, begin.”

 

ME: What has motivated you the most and helps you to keep moving forward?

MADELYN: Seeing my progress, and being able to be creative with my photography. But mostly, my fiance. He helps me keep motivated.

 

Madelyn with her fiance

 

ME: What is a typical day for you like? How do you balance everything and still have time for yourself, your guy, your family and your animals?

MADELYN: I wake up, listen to photography/business podcasts,  go to work, meet with children and parents, problem solve, go to court, come home, cuddle my pup, start dinner, edit photos, finish dinner, and watch a show with my fiance.  Repeat.

I don’t know how I balance everything. Sometimes I fail and run out of time for my deadlines. I think one thing that helps me is setting little goals to get to the bigger goals. I will feel more relaxed if I have made even a little progress towards my goal. Then I can do self care.

 

ME: Who are your biggest influences? Who do you admire the most, or who has given you inspiration to accomplish what you have?

MADELYN: You already know, my fiance.

Also, my grandmother. I will always admire her drive and energy to get shit done.

 

ME: What are your future goals? Where do you see yourself in five years?

MADELYN: I already talked about my photography goals above. I see myself as a full-time photographer, married with two kids, with some property, and 2-3 pointers to keep Copper [my German short-haired pointer] company…and maybe a pig, too.

 

Madelyn with her fiance and her pup, Copper

 

ME: What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

MADELYN: Be patient. Never give up. Let it be. Be aware of your perspective and how it might be running your life.

 

ME: What is your best advice for others who are going after their goals and dreams?

MADELYN: Keep going, no matter how many little doubting thoughts you have going through your head. If you want it, it’s yours.

 

 

My final thoughts:

Isn’t Madelyn awesome? I’m not kidding when I say she is one of the most resolute people I’ve ever met. She has taught me that you never have to be a victim of circumstance. If there is something you want, there is nothing that can stop you from getting it except yourself.

Madelyn has some major goals for the future. I absolutely believe her when she tells me the things she is going to do. So stay tuned! This may be the first time you’ve had the opportunity to meet Madelyn, but it won’t be the last.

She has already made her mark on this world, and she won’t be satisfied until she reaches every goal she has set!

 

More information on Madelyn and her current  projects:

Madelyn loves to travel, so if you have an upcoming event you would like photographed, no matter where you are located, don’t hesitate to contact her.

Also, that wonderful fiance she talks about? They’re getting married this year!  Follow her social media accounts to keep up with her wedding plans, projects and travels!

 

Madelyn May Photography’s website:

www.mmayphoto.com

 

Madelyn May Photography’s Facebook page:

www.facebook.com/madelynmayphotography

 

Madelyn May Photography’s Instagram account:

www.Instagram.com/madelynmayphotography

 

Contact Madelyn:

madelynmayphotography@gmail.com

 

Is there a woman you know personally who inspires you and others in some way? There are no guidelines–if a woman is inspiring to you in ANY way, it counts!

Please email me if you have a lady you want to see featured in Bring It Like a Broad.

You can also email me with any questions or comments you may have: theog@thebonafidebroad.com.

 

Until next time!

 

 

We love to hear from our readers. If you have a thought or opinion about something in this article, please comment! Let’s get a convo started!

Like what you read? Subscribe to The Bonafide Broad to get this kind of exclusive content right in your inbox! Just click this link and enter your email addy!

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Is Sharing Your Relationship On Social Media Destroying It?

*A little reminder! This post may contain affiliate links. That means if you buy something through one of these links, we receive a small commission, at no additional cost to you. Thanks for helping us bring home the bacon!*

 

We see it all the time: relationship oversharing on social media. Those perfect couples who constantly post mushy gushy love notes to one another, brag about how awesome they are, and leave the rest of us wondering what in the world is wrong with our own mediocre relationships.

Some days I sit there looking at these posts and just shaking my head. Hells yes I’m jealous! Who doesn’t want gorgeous selfies with their guy, and he actually looks HAPPY to be in the picture?

I have to beg Mr. OG to be in a selfie. Then if I don’t push that shutter button quick enough, I end up with a photo of me looking deliriously happy, next to a blur of the side of Mr. OG’s face, because he’s already bailed. Or I end up looking annoyingly perky next to him looking pissed at the world. Like so:

 

 

The point is, these kinds of overly-exuberant relationship posts can leave some of us feeling inadequate and dejected, because our regular old relationships don’t seem to hold a candle to the perfection we see everyday on our Facebook or Instagram timelines. Are those couples really that much more in-tune than the rest of us? Let’s find out.

 

 

What Oversharing Can Mean for Your Relationship

 

Guess what? Those indefectible couples probably aren’t as blissfully in love as they appear. Research says relationship oversharing on social media may not be the best thing for your partnership. There are many concerns that this type of behavior could be pointing to, and I am going to briefly discuss three of them.

 

Validation:

In an interview with Daily Mail, sexologist Nikki Goldstein points out, “Often it’s the people who post the most who are seeking validation for their relationship from other people on social media.” She goes on to mention that by seeking validation outside of the relationship, you are taking away from the quality of the moments you spend with your partner.

“The likes and comments can be so validating that when someone is really struggling, that’s where they get their up from – not the person making the gesture, but what other people will say about it,” she states. “You see people who will focus so much on taking a ‘relfie’ – a relationship selfie – and getting the right filter and hashtags that they’re missing the moment. Couples are taking these photos, straight away putting them online and then watching the likes and comments instead of being with their partners.”

 

Insecurity:

It isn’t necessarily posting pictures of you and your partner that’s the problem. It’s what you are masking that becomes the issue.

Northwestern University researchers surveyed over 100 couples, and afterward, released a report on the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. They found this: “On a daily basis, when people felt more insecure about their partner’s feelings, they tended to make their relationships more visible.”

 

Possessiveness:

Goldstein goes on to mention that how a couple poses in photos, or how they label those photos can bring in an element of ownership. She uses the example of The Bachelorette’s Sam Frost and Sasha Mielczarek, who were constantly posting photos on Instagram of their “perfect” relationship. Sadly, they only lasted 18 months before they split for good.

 

 Source: Sasha Mielczarek’s Facebook.

 

Many of their Instagram photos were labeled “My man,” or “My bae.” Notice also that in the above photos they are displaying quite a lot of forced affection, and you can see that Sasha is almost always holding onto Sam in some way.  These all can be signs of possessiveness, which is never healthy in a relationship.

Goldstein says, “There are a lot of people out there who want to flaunt to their friends and the world that this person is mine.” Do you feel the need to show people that your partner “belongs” to you? That could be a problem.

 

What’s the Meaning?

So, according to the above information, if a couple feels the need to document every moment they spend together on social media, it might not be a good thing. Or if a couple has to make themselves look way happier on the internet than they are in real life, it might not be a good thing. Or if a couple needs constant reaffirmation from outside sources that their relationship is going well, it might not be a good thing.

Of course, this made me think about celebrities, those people we all follow on social media that look so fulfilled. How about we conduct our own little experiment here? Let’s look at a few examples of celebrities who stay private verses those who overshare  (because I don’t think my friends would like if I started comparing them on this blog).

I warn you, this experiment is EXTREMELY scientific.

 

 

Staying Private

Here is a short list of celebrity couples who have been together for 10 years or more, and who try to keep the nuances of their relationships private, especially on social media:

 

Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, together since 1988

 

Source: Rita Wilson’s Instagram

 

These two are known for being very private, yet they aren’t afraid to address their bond occasionally. They’ve been through a lot together: she is his second wife, he helped her through a breast cancer diagnosis. They credit honesty and humor as two of the reasons they are still together. They don’t hide their relationship from their social media accounts, but they do post sparingly, and generally the posts are not possessive or showy.

 

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi, together since 2004

 

Source: Portia de Rossi’s Instagram

 

One of my favorite things about this couple is how supportive they are of one another. If you check out their social media accounts, you won’t see a lot of mushy posts about their undying love. Instead, you see a few pictures of them on vacation together, or supporting one another’s achievements. They definitely respect each other. You also don’t see them looking possessive or having to declare their undying love constantly for the world to see.

 

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, together since 1994

 

Source: Will Smith’s Instagram

 

It’s known the the Smiths have had their ups and downs, but one thing that they have always valued is privacy. While they are willing to answer surface questions about their relationship, they don’t talk about the ins and outs very often. Instead, they opt  to keep that between the two of them. Search through their social media accounts and you aren’t going to see a ton of pictures of them together. That’s not to say they don’t exist, but usually it’s pictures of them with their kids, or small discreet tributes on special days (like their 20 year anniversary).

 

Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn, together since 1983

 

Source: Goldie Hawn’s Instagram

 

I have always loved this couple! For one, like Mr. OG and I, they have never felt the need for a wedding (Goldie was married twice before they got together, and Kurt once). But that doesn’t mean they are any less in love and committed to one another. Their social media accounts are full of fun pictures of them enjoying life, together and apart (I want to be best friends with them, btw). What has been the key to their successful relationship? “Love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy. Family. Fun. Laughs. Sex,” Hawn says. “If you don’t nurture that, and remember, you’re done.” These two try to keep their relationship out of the spotlight, and instead focus on nurturing their beautiful blended family.

 

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, together since 2007

 

Source: Justin Timberlake’s Instagram

 

These two have been extremely private since their relationship began. They rarely post photos together on their social media accounts. In fact, it’s almost always on a special occasion if they do. When it was leaked that Biel was pregnant in 2014, the two wouldn’t confirm or deny the rumors for some time. Timberlake is known for being very protective of his family. When they do mention one another, it seems to be with great respect and support, something we can all learn from.

 

 

Oversharing

I thought about making a list of couples who overshared on social media and ended up breaking up, but that’s not really fair. We never really know the all of the reasons for a breakup. The point of this article is not to shun posting your relationship on social media. Rather, it’s to caution that too much sharing can be a symptom of problems. So instead, I will mention a few celebrities who are known for oversharing. These celebrities also either can’t seem to make their relationships last, or are often in partnerships that are extremely volatile:

 

Taylor Swift:

 

Source: Taylor Swift’s Instagram

 

Taylor Swift is notoriously guilty of relationship oversharing on social media. Now, that may not have anything to do with her lack of success in long-term relationships, but it certainly doesn’t help. When she dated Calvin Harris, she constantly posted photos of them doing amazing things like vacationing in tropical locations, barbecuing, and riding inflated swans together. It seemed like it was meant to be. Sadly, it wasn’t.

This isn’t the first time Taylor can be accused of oversharing. She seems to be guilty of relationship oversharing with almost every partner she’s been with, including Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, John Mayer, and Jake Gyllenhaal. Even more, Taylor has a habit of writing songs about her ex boyfriends. Also, she is constantly in disputes with other celebrities (Katy Perry, Kanye West). She has no problem airing her thoughts about said “beefs” on her social media accounts. You’d think she’d learn.

 

Lindsey Lohan:

 

Source: Lindsey Lohan’s Instagram

 

Lindsey Lohan has long been known for her bizarre antics and strange relationships. She has had many a breakup unfold via social media, including recently with Egor Tarabasov. She posted quite a bit of personal information on Instagram. Basically the world was given a play by play of their entire relationship, including alleged physical abuse and infidelity. If that isn’t relationship oversharing, I don’t know what is. Then, to top it off, she got angry at people for commenting negatively about and “butting in” to her relationship. She went out of her way to make a statement (on social media, of course) to ask that people give her privacy. Go figure.

Of course, she has done all the same things in her other past relationships, with Samantha Ronson and Aaron Carter.

 

Kylie Jenner:

 

Source: Kylie Jenner’s Instagram

 

Again, we have a celebrity that can’t stop oversharing! This example is a little different than the previous two, because Kylie doesn’t necessary overshare when it comes to her relationships. She just overshares. This can still put a lot of unnecessary stress on a relationship, though. Of course, it’s to be expected, as she comes from a family that lives constantly in the spotlight. I’m going to inject my personal opinion here (shocker!) and say, Kylie drives me nuts! Almost every single picture she posts is so incredibly posed, it makes me want to puke. She is just trying way too hard to follow in her older sister Kim’s footsteps…..and Khloe’s…..and Kourtney’s…..

Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t she look unhappy? That might be because she doesn’t believe in smiling, taking a note from Kim, who says it causes wrinkles. Hmmm….would I rather look like a zombie with no emotions, or have some small wrinkles around my lips and eyes because of happiness? That’s a tough one, and by tough I mean not tough at all. I’ll take happiness with a side of wrinkles please!

The main point is, Kylie seems to struggle in her relationships as well. In fact, don’t all of the Kardashian ladies? If they’d put their phones down for a moment and participate in the reality around them, they might be more successful in their love lives. Of course, they are laughing all the way to the bank, aren’t they?

 

 

The Bottom Line:

This theory behind relationship oversharing on social media clearly isn’t completely scientific. But any person with common sense can see there is a definite correlation between maintaining privacy and having success in your relationship. Of course, there is always the other side of the argument. Some researchers say that posting frequently on social media about your relationship makes you stronger. I personally haven’t seen this in action much, but it’s a valid argument that should be considered. The bottom line is, while oversharing doesn’t necessarily spell doom for a relationship, at times it can mean there is trouble brewing behind the scenes.

“But Amber,” you may be thinking, “I like posting about my partner for my family and friends to see!” Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. The key here is to avoid oversharing, maintain privacy, and stop trying to mask problems.

Many of those couples I mentioned earlier that value privacy still post about their partner on social media. There are a couple of key things to remember about the way  they post. For one, they usually save mushy posts for special occasions. Also, instead of needing to show possession, with a lot of PDA and labeling, healthy couples generally post photos of them and their partner having fun and enjoying life together. Nikki Goldstein (mentioned earlier) gives an example of a couple who posts about their relationship in the right way: social media star Pia Muehlenbeck and her boyfriend Kane Vato.

 

Source: Kane Vato’s Facebook

 

Notice they always seem to be having fun and laughing together. Their photos give us a peek into their relationship, and it doesn’t seem like they are trying reaffirm to everyone that they are SO into each other.

The takeaway here is this: Instead of trying to document every moment of your relationship for your Insta-feed, put that phone down and make some memories. When you do post pictures of you and your partner, stop trying to make all of us believe you are so excessively happy that blue birds follow you around singing all the time. Be honest. Be respectful and supportive. Have fun together, and while doing so,  if you happen to capture a moment of that on camera authentically, by all means, I’d love to see it on my wall.

Just don’t share too much, mmmkay?

 

Talk at ya later!

 

 

 

I love to hear from my readers. If you have a thought or opinion about something in this article, please comment! Let’s get a convo started!

Like what you read? Subscribe to The Bonafide Broad to get this kind of exclusive content right in your inbox! Just click this link and enter your email addy!

Do your friends and family a solid and share this post so they can benefit from it, too! Just click the appropriate button below to share it to your preferred social media platform. Thank you for supporting The Bonafide Broad!

 

 



 

 

Research for this article:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4115946/Sexologist-Nikki-Goldstein-says-loved-social-media-sign-relationship-failing.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/couples-social-media-oversharing-facebook-instagram-twitter-relationship-insecurities-experts-nikki-a7530911.html

https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/posting-relationship-means-failing/1752552

http://www.esquire.com/uk/culture/news/a7116/over-sharing-social-media-couple-insecure-study/

https://www.inc.com/john-rampton/8-reasons-why-happy-couples-rarely-share-their-relationship-statuses-on-social-m.html

 

How to KEEP Your New Year’s Resolutions

*A little reminder! This post may contain affiliate links. That means if you buy something through one of these links, we receive a small commission, at no additional cost to you. Thanks for helping us bring home the bacon!*

 

Holy macaroni, it’s 2018! It’s time to set our New Year’s resolutions again. What. The. Hell. Every year time seems to flow a little faster. It’s craziness!

Alas, it is what it is, and here we are. We have physically transitioned to 2018. The mental transition, of course, is a little slower (I promise you I’ll be writing 2017 on everything until at LEAST June!).

Many of us have set ourselves some New Year’s resolutions. I know I have! I’m very excited about these changes! But I’m also a bit nervous. Let’s be real here (isn’t that what we do on this blog?). Less than 10% of the people who set New Year’s resolutions actually keep them.

 

 

What can we do to increase our chances of ACCOMPLISHING our resolutions? Here are some simple ideas you can incorporate pretty easily into your daily life. These will help you to keep your resolutions important and up front in your mind throughout the whole year, and not just on day one.

 

 

Make a resolution in the first place:

 

 

This may seem like a “duh!” suggestion, but there’s a reason I not only included it, but made it number one.

Less than half of people even set resolutions. You know what you can’t accomplish if you don’t set it? Your New Year’s Resolution. Yep, the first step to accomplishing something is actually deciding you want to accomplish something. It’s so simple…

 

 

Write it down and put it somewhere you will see it often:

 

 

The value of writing goals down has long been known by researchers. Here is a great article on The Huffington Post that discusses the benefits of putting your goals in writing.

Basically, if you write your goals down, you are almost 50% more likely to accomplish them. This has to do with you introducing these goals to your brain through thought AND vision. If your brain SEES the goal you’ve been thinking about, it gets the message that you are more serious about what you want.

The more your brain sees this goal, the more the importance of the goal is reaffirmed. So write it down often, and keep visuals in high traffic places in your home, such as by your front door, on your refrigerator, or on your bathroom mirror.

 

 

Set several small goals:

 

 

Remember when Bill Murray taught us about taking baby steps in What About Bob? While Bob took this a little more literally than his psychiatrist intended, there is value in the analogy.

It is much easier to accomplish several smaller, more defined goals than a single big one. So once you decide on your resolution, try to break it down into two or three micro goals that all work toward the bigger purpose. Make sure these are S.M.A.R.T. goals: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (Learn more about S.M.A.R.T. goals here).

For example, if your resolution for 2018 is to be healthier, try a couple of small goals, like drinking more water, only eating sweets on the weekend, or taking a 20 minute walk every day. Those are much more defined and actionable than a general goal of being more healthy. This also makes it possible for you to measure your success.

Let me give you another example. Here is my resolution for this year:

 

 

I’ve broken my resolution down into three S.M.A.R.T. goals. I’m going to go a step further and break each goal down into a couple of smaller steps to make them even more achievable. Notice I also posted them right there on my refrigerator so I see them several times a day.

 

 

Establish a reward for accomplishing your goals:

 

 

Set up a reward for when you accomplish each of your small goals. Let’s go back to our example earlier of being healthier.

Say you set a sub-goal of drinking more water. How about if you drink 8 glasses of water a day, every day for a month, you buy yourself a new water bottle (Enter our January giveaway to win an Infusion Pro water bottle here)? Or if your sub-goal is to walk more, after a month of walking 20 minutes a day, get yourself a nice pedometer.

Reinforcing your goals with a reward system significantly increases your chances of success. One big reason for this is that when you are rewarded, you release more dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the reward and pleasure centers of your brain. Dopamine helps you to see rewards and work toward them.

Interestingly, anticipating a reward can be just as effective in releasing dopamine as actually getting the reward. This is significant because studies have shown that go-getters release much more dopamine than slackers do.

So reward your accomplishments, because science and shit!

 

 

Don’t go telling everyone:

 

 

Sounds weird, right? I mean, doesn’t telling other people about your goals create accountability? Not so much, according to research.

When we tell a person our goal, they often commend and encourage us for setting the goal. This stimulates something called Social Reality, according to Derek Sivers (Ted X speaker).

Sivers says: “When you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that it’s called a “social reality.” The mind is kind of tricked into feeling that it’s already done. And then because you’ve felt that satisfaction, you’re less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.” Learn more about this here.

This doesn’t mean you can’t share your goals with anyone. Just make sure if you do, that it’s a person who you have established mutual respect with, and who will help keep you in check.

 

 

The Takeaway

 

As you can see, setting and KEEPING your New Year’s resolution isn’t as easy as just saying you want to improve. If it were that easy, none of us would struggle with keeping our resolutions! No, this is something that will take time and effort. But it will be worth it!

Don’t let yourself feel intimidated! Remember, you wouldn’t be setting the goal in the first place if it wasn’t important. Aren’t all important things in life worth working for? Follow the tips above, and I guarantee you will increase your chances of your New Year’s resolution becoming a box on your life checklist you can finally check off.

 

Now go get ’em guys and gals!

 

 

 

 

I love to hear from my readers. If you have a thought or opinion about something in this article, please comment! Let’s get a convo started!

Like what you read? Subscribe to The Bonafide Broad to get this kind of exclusive content right in your inbox! Just click this link and enter your email addy!

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Bring It Like a Broad: Grace Garfield Lends a Helping Hand!

 

 

 

 

I am really stoked to introduce a new monthly interview series here on The Bonafide Broad blog, called Bring it Like a Broad!

Each month, Bring It Like a Broad will feature a real life Broad who inspires me and those around her.

 

 



 

 

The purpose of this series is to highlight real, everyday women who are doing the extraordinary. It is my hope that celebrating these special people and their accomplishments will help each of us to believe in the possibility of our own goals and dreams.

Without further adieu, I’d like to introduce our first Broad in this series!

 

 

The Broad

 

This is Grace Garfield:

 

 

Grace Garfield, founder of A Helping Hand Global

 

 

She is very special, which is why she is the perfect person to be the very first Broad featured in this series. Guess what? She isn’t just beautiful on the outside!

Grace is a twenty-year-old woman who is bound and determined to change the world for the better! In fact, she is helping people in need every single day. I had the privilege of meeting Grace a few months ago, when my sister briefly lived with her, and I can honestly say she has changed my life for the better. She is a person that radiates love and motivation. Her drive is more contagious than a yawn!

Grace is the founder of A Helping Hand Global. What is that, you ask? I’ll let her explain:

Grace: A Helping Hand Global is a 501(c)(3) based in Vancouver, WA. We distribute free “Care Kits” to women through our connections into other nonprofits and programs that serve people in need.  In these Care Kits we provide free and necessary feminine hygiene products such as tampons, pads, pain relievers, hand sanitizing wipes, and feminine wipes. We are excited to provide a few women with eco-friendly options such as menstrual cups and reusable pads.

Grace is truly an amazing person, and I want you Broads to know her a little better. She may just change you like she has changed me and so many others! I had a chance to ask her a few questions, and her replies are insightful and super motivating. Enjoy!

 

 

 

THE INTERVIEW

 

ME: What is your background?

GRACE: I was nothing spectacular in school. I wasn’t great at math, or science, or basically anything that didn’t genuinely interest me as a person. I was an average student and probably more toward the lesser than average student. I think I had a C average. I’m not ashamed at all, the school system sucked.

My freshman year I was accidentally placed into an Intro to Marketing class with a Mr. David Johnson. Trust me when I say this, it really did change my life. My teacher pulled me aside and told me I had an actual knack for business and marketing.

[Over] the next 3 years, I qualified for state and went to international competitions twice. It was the only thing I was authentically good at, and it felt awesome. After graduation, I took some classes at Clark College. I didn’t do too well there either.

For anyone who understands this, I’m an INFP in the Myer Briggs scale of personalities. I highly recommend this quiz (https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test). Being an INFP means that my job or what I do with my time has to align with my values, emotions, who I am, and who I want to be. Above all, am I being authentic? So I stopped going to school to figure me out.

 

 

Grace holding one of her feminine care kits

 

 

ME:  How did you come up with the idea for A Helping Hand? What was your motivation for creating a nonprofit?

GRACE: My family went down to Louisiana when they had bad flooding last year. I had to work and didn’t have the funds to go and help, and I was really, really, really disappointed. I am an able-bodied person with first-aid and CPR training, and I wanted to go. But I had to work.

I thought to myself, “What can I do myself, here in Washington?” I thought of sending food and blankets, but a lot of people already had that covered. Over the next few weeks, it was like I was searching for an answer but I didn’t even know where to really start. I mean, a lot of people were helping.

As life happens, I got my period and went about my normal life. I then thought to myself, “I don’t ever hear about people donating feminine supplies to people, ever.” On no occasion, in TV-series, movies, documentaries, nobody talks about women’s menstrual cycles, ESPECIALLY when there is a natural disaster. My creativity stepped in and I started thinking about sending tampons in basically Altoids cans. [They would be] durable enough to last, waterproof while being light, and easy enough to transport to disaster areas.

Through a lot of back and forth with my good friend Sam, I was able to come to our current “Care Kits.” I also didn’t like the idea of waiting for a natural disaster to occur to be able to send help, so I made our mission to provide free Care Kits to any woman, in any situation, for free.

 

 

A feminine care kit created by A Helping Hand Global

 

 

​The actual ideas and prototypes started in late 2016. By January of this year, I was ready to commit my time and money to get this started. I built my website myself. I started my first campaign and received many positive reactions. I was so excited people liked my idea! [Over] the next few months, I started to become legal and [figure out] why I wanted to do something like this. It was never about the money, so a nonprofit was an obvious choice for me.

I don’t want to toot-my-horn or anything, but I did everything myself. I did press releases, business plans, writing Board Member handbooks, finding board members, etc. The weird thing is the paperwork was the easiest thing to do out of everything. It wasn’t that hard. I had to file with the Secretary of State for an EIN. (employer identification number) so I could then go to the IRS to finish the rest of the paperwork.

 

 

ME: Can you walk me through step-by-step how you got the ball rolling and got to where you are today?

GRACE: I filed with the Secretary of State to register and get an EIN. I then followed the IRS website word for word, found what paperwork I needed, printed it off at work (lol), and then paid the fees and registered. The legal formalities of Articles of Incorporation and liabilities were a little complicated, but I just dedicated some time to studying, and I figured everything out.

 

 

 

A Helping Hand Global’s logo

 

 

ME: What obstacles have you faced along your journey, and what have you done to overcome them?

GRACE: Time mostly. I worked as a CNA and an office administrator when I first started getting the ball rolling. It was very difficult [to be] working 40+ hours a week caregiving and not making decent pay and still have energy and motivation to work on my nonprofit. The nonprofit only works when I have time to push it forward; otherwise it stagnates. I wish I could run my non profit full-time, but I have to find a balance.

 

 

ME: Did you ever feel like giving up? If so, how did you pull through and move forward?

GRACE: I feel like I’m letting everyone down when I don’t have time or energy to put into my nonprofit. I know what steps I need to take, I know my plan, but on the day-to-day it’s difficult to push forward with a few hours here and there. I move forward by knowing that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I always get ahead of myself. It’s so easy to be stagnate with seeing how much further you need to go, but I got here, so I will get there eventually.

 

Original artwork on one of A Helping Hand Global’s feminine care kits

 

ME: Do you have a quote or mantra that you tell yourself to keep yourself going?

GRACE: John 15:12- “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”

Deuteronomy 15:11- “For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land.”

Acts 20:35-  “I have showed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

 

ME: You said you have a regular job outside of A Helping Hand, AND you go to school. How do you balance your obligations and find the time to get everything done?

GRACE: It’s very hard. Sometimes I’ll go a few days without focusing on my nonprofit just because of life. I work as a CNA for adults with developmental disabilities. I’m currently working on getting certifications so that I will be qualified to work with children with developmental disabilities.

 

 

Original artwork on one of A Helping Hand Global’s feminine care kits

 

ME: Who are your biggest influences? Who do you admire the most, or who has given you inspiration to accomplish what you have?

GRACE: My grandmother Jean Simmons. She passed away a few years ago and it’s still hard on me. She was a bigger-than-life person and she had an even bigger heart. Everywhere she went, she helped and loved.

She worked closely with Must Ministries down in Marietta, Georgia for years. They are a program that helps people in a few towns with food, job preparations, resume builders, business clothes, elderly help, school programs, holiday programs. They just do everything you can imagine for their people in need. I mean, just the love and sense of service is an amazing thing to behold.

My grandmother was the one who started a backpack program for children so that everyone would have food, new school supplies, new clothes, everything to help them achieve their education. She started it small and it grew to be HUGE. I remember fondly helping her with her annual back-to-school event. She taught me so much and I am blessed to be following in her footsteps.

 

 

Original artwork on one of A Helping Hand Global’s feminine care kits

 

ME: What are your future goals? Where do you see yourself in five years?

GRACE: I’m not really sure and I don’t really care. As long as my nonprofit is functioning and helping women, then that is my goal. I hope to build my non profit very similarly to Must Ministries. To provide business clothes to women, have volunteers to help build their resumes and find jobs, find affordable houses, and just anything I can do to help someone in need to live their best life.

 

 

ME: What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

GRACE: Take a deep breath.

 

 

Original artwork on one of A Helping Hand Global’s feminine care kits

 

ME: What is your best advice for others who want to achieve a goal similar to what you have achieved?

GRACE: You are here on this earth for a reason. You have unique and beautiful gifts that only you have. Your passion and spark is what makes you POWERFUL. Use that passion and don’t look back. The best things happen when you come out of your comfort zone. Do not be scared of failing. Laugh, and live. You’ll have a blessed life when you follow your soul.

 

 

A final thought from Grace:

GRACE: I will never have any education or requirements to work or volunteer with me and my nonprofit. We are here to help each other through life by showing love and generosity to others. I hope you’ll come with me on this journey. If you would like to be partners, become a donor, or be a sponsor please contact me. I’m excited to start new relationships!

 

 

Original artwork on one of A Helping Hand Global’s feminine care kits

 

My final thoughts:

See what I mean, Broads? It’s impossible to learn about Grace without wanting to change the world yourself! If there’s one thing Grace has taught me, it’s that nothing is too big, and if the motivation behind your actions is truly good, you can be an unstoppable force.

Good luck Grace! We are all rooting for you, and walking behind you, using the footsteps you’ve created to guide us!

 

 

More Information on Grace and A Helping Hand Global

If you would like more information about A Helping Hand Global, Grace, or anything else in this article, here are some resources for you:

A Helping Hand Global website:
www.ahelpinghandglobal.com

A Helping Hand Global’s Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/ahelpinghandglobal/

Grace’s LinkedIn account:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/grace-garfield-60576754/

Contact Grace:
gracegarfield@ahelpinghandglobal.com

 

 

Is there a woman you know personally who inspires you and others in some way? There are no guidelines–if a woman is inspiring in ANY way, it counts!

Please email me if you have a lady you want to see featured in Bring It Like a Broad.

 

You can also email me with any questions or comments you may have: theog@thebonafidebroad.com.

 

 

Have great day, my pretties!

 

 

 

**I love to hear from my readers. If you have a thought or opinion about something in this article, please comment! Let’s get a convo started!**

 

Like what you read? Subscribe to The Bonafide Broad to get this kind of exclusive content right in your inbox! Just click this link and enter your email addy!

Do your friends and family a solid and share this post so they can benefit from it, too! Just click the appropriate button below to share it to your preferred social media platform. Thank you for supporting The Bonafide Broad!

 

 



Cheers to REAL!

I love social media.

I love being able to see what my brother in Okinawa is up to. I love checking up on my mom, my sisters and my nephew, who live a few states away in Washington. My dad lives in Oregon, so I also like to keep tabs on how he is doing.

I have friends all over the country and world, and social media keeps us closely connected. It’s so nice to be able to hop on to Facebook or Instagram and see what everyone is doing today. I dig getting recipes, product recommendations, ideas and inspiration for decor, gift-giving, organizing, fashion, beauty and more. What’s not to love?

 


 

A lot, actually. As much as I love social media, I also equally hate it.

I can’t stand when people’s timelines consist of dozens and dozens of selfies, sprinkled with post updates like “Sooooo bored!”  It drives me nuts when I see a post directed at some mysterious person who is unnamed, with vague statements that nobody will understand.  If you aren’t going to explain who the hell you are talking to and what the hell you are talking about, don’t be surprised when nobody gives a crap.

I lose my mind when people post about politics or religion with a narrow world view, and no courtesy or respect for the opinions of others. I want to punch the people who call out anyone and everyone for the tiniest, most insignificant issues, just to make themselves feel bigger. Trolls. Bullies. Keyboard warriors. They hide behind a monitor because they aren’t brave enough to say what they believe in the actual presence of others.

But the thing I hate the ABSOLUTE MOST about social media is how perfect some people try to make their life look. I have never met anyone in person who is as happy and put together as their social media accounts claim. The sad thing is, even knowing that these profiles are not real, it’s easy to start feeling completely inadequate, self-conscious, and unkempt. Often I find myself wondering, as I scroll through my feeds, how the hell so many people seem get it right, when I struggle daily.

As a side point, I am guilty doing all of these things that drive me crazy. I’m as guilty as anyone else.

You know, it seems like the way many of us portray ourselves on social media is quite often the same way we portray ourselves on our resumes and in job interviews.

 

 

Best foot forward. Only the good. We are great, our lives are awesome, and we’ve got this adulting thing down.

 

Here’s the real deal: We all make numerous mistakes every single day.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes life IS easy. Sometimes I actually meal prep for the week on Sunday. Sometimes I get up the first time my alarm goes off. There are some days my hair barely needs to be brushed because it looks THAT GOOD. But these anomalies are the exception, not the rule.

The rule is, life can really effing suck. There are days where  I forget to set my alarm entirely. Days where I realize halfway through work that I’m wearing two different colored flats. Days where I’m amazed that I am able to get myself out of bed, to the office, and back home again without committing a homicide.

It ain’t easy to put on my big girl panties every day and go out and change the world a little at a time. It’s necessary, but certainly not simple.

Sometimes I get so frustrated and beside myself that I just want to scream until no more scream will come out! Some days I do.

 

 

The crazy thing is, as much as the artificial nature of social media drives me batty, I don’t necessarily think it’s BAD that we do this with our profiles.  Maybe our profile is more of a representation of the person we ASPIRE to be, instead of what we actually ARE. There isn’t anything wrong with that, is there? It’s good for us to have goals, to work toward that perfect life.

I just wonder if most people realize that they’re profile isn’t an accurate representation of who they really are. If they don’t, then they likely aren’t actually trying to be like the person they want us all to think they are. Having a goal isn’t enough. If you aren’t working to achieve it, the goal is completely pointless.

I crave honesty and authenticity from others. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing the best of people’s lives. But there is this whole other part that I want to see. Unfortunately, it usually remains hidden.

I want to know the hardships, the mistakes, the bad days of my fellow travelers in this thing called life. Not one of us has a perfect life. Isn’t it true that life is wrought with tough times, with wrong decisions and their repercussions, with days that, no matter how hard we try, things just won’t go right? Don’t we all sometimes feel like we are running and running and getting nowhere?

 

 

Why be ashamed? Why not share our crazy with others? Why not seek out the humor in our messed up existence? One thing I know to be true is when I see a glimpse of someone else’s imperfection, it makes me feel more adequate. It reminds me that it’s okay to suck sometimes. It reminds me that I’m real, and so is everyone else.

My goal for this blog is to write about REAL life, in all of its disheveled, confusing, sometimes dirty and unorganized glory. Lucky for me, my own life has so much REAL in it, I’ll most certainly never run out of things to write about.

This blog is a representation of my journey, the things I’ve learned, good or bad, the easy way or the hard way, in my imperfect life. I’ll write about cooking, decorating, losing (or gaining) weight, fashion, parenting, current events, how pissed I am at my guy. I’ll write about whatever the hell I want. You can join the journey and share your experiences along the way. Or you can navigate away from this webpage and never come back. Honestly, I don’t care, because I’m writing this for me, and for those who want to hear about REAL LIFE.

It’s my hope that sharing these things will create an atmosphere where people can feel comfortable in their own skin. Where we can help each other with our problems. Where we can get honest opinions about everything, whether it be political, spiritual, or even just about a product. Let’s just be real here people!

I’m proud to be a bonafide broad who mostly doesn’t get it right. And who knows, maybe sometimes I’ll accidentally achieve that close-to-perfect that we are all aspire toward. I wouldn’t count on it, though.

 

Cheers to REAL Broads!

 

 

**I love to hear from my readers. If you have a thought or opinion about something in this article, please comment! Let’s get a convo started!**

 

Like what you read? Subscribe to The Bonafide Broad to get this kind of exclusive content right in your inbox! Just click this link and enter your email addy!

Do your friends and family a solid and share this post so they can benefit from it, too! Just click the appropriate button below to share it to your preferred social media platform. Thank you for supporting The Bonafide Broad!